Furniture that bites

If you want to avoid infesting your living space, then never accept used furniture or office equipment. Because those things often come with pests. 

For instance, did you know that furniture can get fleas, just like pets?

I didn’t, until a hippie neighbor shooed a family of cats off her couch and pushed it into my apartment as she was packing to leave for San Francisco.

 

At first I thought, “Score!” But then I kept getting bit when I sat in it, like the couch had some ghost who pinched me every few seconds. The possibility that there could be blood-suckers in the fabric didn’t cross my mind at first.

 

But as I scratched away at the bites on my legs while watching the hippie’s cats outside, scratching themselves egregiously too, it was then that I realized I was infested.

That’s right — I finally figured out that I had fleas. Luckily they’re relatively easy to get rid of. I threw out the couch and got lots of flea powder to spread liberally around my apartment.

My boyfriend at the time didn’t fare as well as I, as he had a habit of sitting on furniture naked. I think he learned a valuable lesson, too.

Also, never take office chairs from a downtown basement. I tried rescuing a nice, benign-looking upholstered little number once. 

Although it was a little rickety, and the seat was a little speckled in filth, I just covered the chair with a large piece of fabric once I got it home, and everything seemed okay. 

Then a week or so later, I began to notice the red welts on my arms and legs.

 

They itched. I knew it wasn’t from fleas, though. My husband was all, “Maybe you’re allergic to the internet!” But then he started getting welts on his skin when he sat in it, too.

 

And after about the fourth time I jumped off of it, yelling and clawing at myself, we dumped that chair outside where nobody could rescue it ever again, and then we did some online research.

 

We found out we had scabies. Yup, these are better than fleas, because they’re microscopic… and they live and breed in your body, right under your skin! Which is pretty bad-ass of scabies, except they’re not as cute as fleas, when you look at both up close.

 

It took a lot of vinegar soaks to stop our skin from crawling after that. So there you have it. Never accept used furniture and then you will probably live a life free of fleas and scabies. 

That way, the only bloodsucker left in your apartment building that you’ll probably want to avoid will be your landlord.

Cane haul trucks and runaway hills

Sometimes the things that we enjoy the most can be dangerous for us. Such as sugar, or really fast trucks. Back in the ‘80s, there was a booming sugar business in Hawaiʻi.

The C&H Sugar Company was here, and sugar cane was growing all over the place. In order to transport all those harvested stalks of sugar around, Hawaiʻi got a fleet of “cane haul” trucks on some of the islands.

These monstrous vehicles looked like dusty, wooden big rigs. They had large, flat truck beds which were surrounded by seven-foot-high slats, lashed together with thick cords of leather. The beds would be piled high with hundreds of long, papery stalks of sugar cane.

The only thing that kept the enormous load from spilling out onto the highway was the group of sugar cane farmers in the back, riding atop their bounty like paniolos, or Hawaiian cowboys.

At least this is how I remember it being on Kauaʻi when I lived there, and when many of the locals were making a living in the farming industry.

These trucks didn’t have to go very far because they were on a small island, but once they got going, they kept up to speed. Plus, they were weighed down with hundreds of pounds of cane refuse, so it was hard to stop them once they got going.

In fact, some of the trucks would speed out of control and become a danger to everyone else on the road. That’s why cane haul runaway hills were created.

The runaway hills are fashioned out of naturally occurring places, such as atop the steep cliffs that were winding up into the mountains. These areas were made to contain the trucks so that they could run out of steam up there and be brought back under control.

But not everyone understands why these roads exist, and this has led to some dangerous situations, such as when a group of tourists from Japan mistakes the top of a runaway hill for a picnic spot.

This has happened more than once on Kauaʻi, but as far as I remember nobody ever got hurt. Usually, a local surfer or fisherman would be akamai (perceptive, wise) enough to notice the tourists up there and be safety-conscious enough to go urge them to leave.

In fact, I think they finally started putting up warning signs in English and Japanese after those incidents.

So when you’re visiting Hawaiʻi, remember that the state has a legacy of having provided the rest of America with a wonderful source of cane sugar, the sweetest kind around. But that sugar came at a price, in the form of very heavy, out-of-control cane haul trucks.

And if you ever see a dirt road in Hawaiʻi that is beckoning you up a hill which seems to have a sweet picnic spot at the top, please resist the urge to go sit there and eat what could become your last meal, because you’re probably on a runaway hill. I don’t know if there are any trucks out there that still use them, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.