A wedding ceremony can be a wonderful celebration of love which brings tears to the eyes of even the most cynical relative, but it usually ends kind of cringey when the officiant says, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” That sounds all kinds of wrong to me.
If it seems fine to you, try reversing it for a moment: “I now pronounce you woman and husband.” Sounds crazy, right? Well, that’s how crazy the first way seems to me.
So I began playing with the words in that last line of the ceremony that I’m probably thinking way too much about, and which everyone else just seemingly ignores while they breathe a sigh of relief, loosen their ties, take off their heels and head toward a reception which might just be brimming with booze.
My first try was “I now pronounce you man and woman” but then I wondered why we always have to put the man first in these sentences. I changed it to “I now pronounce you woman and man” but it sounded just as silly because we all knew the genders of everyone involved when we came to the wedding. And anyway, why does gender even matter?
So then I tried “I now pronounce you husband and wife” which was better but still echoed centuries of having the man go first in the officiant’s last rite and also in life, so I tried the more equitable “I now pronounce you wife and husband” while making a mental note that we’d have to reverse the genders again in that sentence after a few thousand years, just to keep everything fair.
After my last try, I gave this whole thing up and let it go. “I now pronounce you both married. You may kiss each other.” Please feel free to use this. You don’t even have to give me credit. All I ask is that you not mention me in the vows.
© 2022 C. Devine
