Six vegetarian dinners that will leave you craving a burger

Vegetarian food is everywhere these days. You can buy hot dogs, Bratwursts and even luncheon meat that wasn’t made from something that used to draw a breath on this planet. And although a lot of meatless fare can be tasty and vaguely satisfying, most of it leaves me feeling like something is missing; perhaps a few slabs of bacon. So here are six vegetarian dinners to try out before finally breaking down and eating some meat, you hopeless fellow carnivore.

Falafel Plate — The wonderful combination of gritty and crunchy textures will please your palate immediately, but your tongue will be writhing around that falafel ball’s chickpea interior, searching out for the charbroiled flavor which is strangely missing. Hey, at least you tried!

Tofu Dogs — You can load these things up with all the fixings of a regular hot dog in an attempt to try and make it more convincing to your taste buds. You’ll probably even enjoy the peppery flavor of whatever is packed into their fake-intestine casings. However, they may leave you with a feeling of heartburn and confusion, as you wonder how mashed soybeans are able to set fire to your stomach.

Veggie Sandwich — The good part about this meal is the fact that there are literally dozens of things for you to pile on between two healthy whole-grain slices of bread. Also, slather on whatever condiments you want to. Since it’s meatless, you don’t have to worry about calories. Your stomach will feel about to burst once you get this sandwich down, but it will be rumbling in hunger a half hour later, so be ready with some chicken fingers or something.

Salade Niçoise — I’m gonna throw this one onto the list, even though it’s technically cheating. There’s a big old slab of tuna in here, along with a hard-boiled egg that would scare any vegan right out of the kitchen. But this one is also loaded with lettuce. Who knew that you could shit so much from eating a few handfuls of leaves? If your intestines think it’s food, then who are your taste buds to argue?

Meatless Lasagne — Did you know that it takes about 2,500 gallons of water to produce 16 ounces of steak? Why don’t you save the planet and have some meatless lasagne instead? Eggplants provide you with vitamins B1 and B6, and tomatoes are a great source of potassium. Plus, cauliflower that is cooked just right has the texture of grated parmesan cheese. But I bet you’re still thinking about that steak, aren’t you?

Lentil Soup — Ever few days I try to get myself to drink down a can of this sulphury stuff because it’s good for me. Then I regret it for the next eight hours, while burping up the taste over and over again. But it’s got organic carrots and potatoes in it, which are vital in protecting us against illness and disease. And if I eat an entire serving, I will feel really full. At least until that pepperoni pizza I ordered arrives.

You too will feel so much healthier and better about yourself every time that you can manage to choke down the food that’s actually good for you. It’s in the trying that we succeed, after all. So when you’re next getting ready to devour some cooked flesh, distract yourself by eating a ton of vegetables first. Your taste buds might not thank you for it, but your body — and the planet — will.